my training with a clear mind and getting that bike I have been pining for since the beginning of the year. Sure, my car is causing a lot of stress on me once again, but the meager state tax return I will be getting this year will help start me down the path to a new ride. (I’m thinking a Kia Sol…always liked that car for some reason…maybe it was the dancing hamsters that got me into them). Fortunately, I have decided to give up on chasing women and dating and such, for my circumstances have made it rather difficult to even bother with such a venture, so now my stress and anxiety levels have slipped to lower levels. Who would have thunk? While I am anticipating a rather tough week at work this upcoming week, at least I know a couple things will be out of my head. I’m also getting out of the house a couple times this week, checking out the legend that is Merle Haggard on Thursday and seeing my friend Dusty get married (he and his wife are smart…they have an open bar and they even came up with a vegan option for me!). Being cooped up in the house all the time is kind of tough on the body and the mind, for the entertainment my dogs provide kind of gets old after a while. Sure, the nightly edition of “Doggie Fight Club” is pretty hilarious, but ultimately I have to break it up because Scarlett always pushes the playful fighting to a dark place and starts fighting dirty, which then pisses off Rusty and the fact he is much bigger, I have to break the fight up because then they start dive bombing off the couches with the potential of really hurting themselves. Yup, this is what happens when you get rid of television.
I know I talk a lot about stress, but as I have mentioned before in another blog post, stress does a lot in keeping you overweight and soft. http://blog.parsonstrainingtucson.com/2015/03/dont-stress-big-details.html I’ve been seeking to make some changes in my life as of late, seeking to figure out ways to reduce my stress while not using exercise as the only medium to expunge it. Yeah, going for a nice six-mile run on Friday after having a horrible day at work was great. I averaged a good 9:30-per mile pace over 6.3 miles, but had to stop when I could feel my IT band start to tighten. Personally, I just want to try and expunge everything in my life that stresses me out and makes me wonder, “Why did I even feel that way to begin with?” Truthfully, getting my old bill from my mechanic out of the way helps, because I feel terrible for the fact that it has taken me so long to pay him off. I think this is why I never want to borrow money from people, because the self hate I feel for not paying it back promptly makes me feel even worse than having to ask for it in the first place. And then getting my darn speeding ticket out of the way is also helpful, for that thing has been hanging over my head since Ragnar Del Sol. Yup, I got a speeding ticket driving everyone home from the race, and in Casa Grande no less, a well known speed trap that loves busting out of state drivers. Since I knew my car would never make it to Casa Grande (which is like 60 miles outside of Tucson) in regards to arguing over the ticket, I have to suck it up and pay the driving school. Anyway, that is going to be out of the way now, so I am happy about that. But let me just warn you all. Casa Grande and Bullhead City are the most prominent speed traps in my home state, so watch it!
Now I know dealing with stress is something that so many people in this country have to deal with, but I have been really disappointed with my body as of late. Normally I’m not so conscious about the way I look, but as of late it has really made me think. My three-year anniversary at Parsons Training is coming up, and the fact I still look doughy and out of shape really bothers me. Maybe this poor attitude is because I have been hanging out in vegan fitness forums way too much as of late, seeing people get chiseled in the span of a year, making gains way faster than I ever could have imagined. I know I should never compare myself to other people, but how can one help it? I’m in a weird spot fitness wise, for I am way behind the weight lifting sects but can easily outrun any of them, but I am way behind the running sects but can easily kill them in the gym. I sometimes wonder which road I should take. Focusing on weights will certainly help since I could reduce my carb intake and would help reduce my stomach a little faster, but I still want to be a great runner, which means I need the carbs! Decisions. Either way, all of this indecisiveness is because of my poor vision of my body. Body politics are such a diverse and crazy and complicated discussion in this country, that you might as well be talking about abortion or the unfair tax system that constantly takes dumps on people like me (I was broke and unemployed a lot last year, yet I still owe $900 to the federal government!). While we have idiots on capitol hill banging the drums for yet another expensive war that would bankrupt our country, news networks trying to goad the public into yet another holy war and a water crisis in our two biggest states (few are talking about the Texas water crisis), people seem busy putting down pop stars and entertainment news anchors for their bodies. I’ll admit, Kelly Clarkson has put on some weight, but eventually she will figure it out that being overweight like that is not really good for her long-term health. But until then, I don’t think the jabs she is getting are justified. As for pop singer Pink, that was one I really didn’t understand. She was always pretty sporty and buff, which is what I always kind of liked about her (too bad her music is terrible). So for people to make jabs at her body and weight is a bit perplexing. And then of course you have Juliana Rancic, who has lost a boatload of weight due to her cancer treatments. This hasn’t stopped people from making assumptions about her and assuming she had some eating disorder, never mind the fact cancer treatments kind of make you lose your appetite.
As I grab a couple rolls of fat protruding from my stomach, I wonder when it will ever come off. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, because I have made so many gains in other areas. But there are some sick thoughts going through my head right now, like investing in so called fat burning supplements that I know don’t work or getting into the whole supplement game that so many of my ilk have gotten into. I guess it is the impatience in me. I want to turn this blog into a book some day, and looking flabby sure as heck won’t be a good promotional tool. I feel my body is the single biggest thing that is holding me back, mainly because overweight people are looked down upon so poorly in this country, especially in the job market. I still have a real fear of wearing tight clothing, because it is much easier to hide the contours that I deem disgusting. One thing that always bothers me at the gym is when Jon has me do stuff like overhead presses or doing work on the monkey bars or some kind of pull-up action. I hike up my shorts, extending the waistband over my stomach so people cannot see the disgusting collection of fat I still have. I know Jon likes talking a big game about me, calling me one of his better success stories. But some days I just don’t feel like I am worthy of such praise. Even after nearly three years, I feel I don’t look the part of a man that has put the time and effort I have. I have to constantly remind myself that it is a marathon, not a sprint.
I’m hoping as I clear up some hurdles in my life, the body will start making exponential changes again. When I first started this fitness journey of mine, I really didn’t have any problems in my life. My car was working fine, my money flow was somewhat consistent and I had no illusions of relationships or anything of that sort. I lost 100 pounds in my first year alone! Hopefully the removal of some my personal anxieties will make it easier for me to lose some weight and sculpt my body a little better. I still have a few months to reach my goal of 230 by November 8, but I have been stagnant in weight loss for over a month. I guess the stress snacking I have been doing quite often is catching up with me, for I keep finding myself eating too much hummus and pita chips or snacking on peanuts. I just think it is time to put some time into myself rather than trying to be some sort of societal norm. Personally, I maybe have another month or so from restarting my life, expunging the disappointment and the setbacks of 2014. If anything, “cleaning the slate” in my life will hopefully make things a little easier on me, allowing me to relax a little more and take my mind off things. Perhaps that will be the key for me in this journey once again, taking on some traits that aided in my weight loss and aided in the complete mental turn around I have gone through. And maybe then, I will start taking some appreciation for the way I look, for the progress I have made and the progress I will make in the future. Right now, I just need a personal “reset.”
I’m hoping within the next couple months I will be able to do some of the things I have been longing to do, like actually doing some fun fitness stuff and trying other fitness ideas that I have been wanting to try (like doing early morning fit camps and yoga and stuff like that). I want to get that bike I so desperately desire because I want start giving triathlons a try. If anything, the anxieties of my life have kind of set the blog back a little as well, which is why I am glad that I am almost free of some of these very issues. Maybe that will be the first step in making some real change in my body, because I’m kind of sick of looking at the flab every day in the mirror. It’s time to really do something about it, and I will be more than glad to tell you all about it.
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Parsons Training is a Tucson leader in fitness and personal wellness training. Every personal trainer with this company designs and implements effective fitness programs for their clients; these programs serve as the foundation for good health, fitness, and wellness. Additional information about Parsons Training is available at http://www.parsonspersonaltraining.com
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About Our Blog
Steve, a Parsons Training Client, went from 400 pounds to Running half-marathons, from lifting pizzas to lifting hundreds of pounds through training with us.